Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
