I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Pooping to opera.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
