he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
