we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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