dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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