Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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