You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
