I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
