I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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