His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drunk is not a location!