Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂