No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.