..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan