Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
