I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
