I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
