i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
