Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
