I could have mohawked her pubes.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
