Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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