Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
