you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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