I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
