I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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