there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
