Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
