There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
