i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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