; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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