I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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