he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
