Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize