Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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