I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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