In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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