remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
