So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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