I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
