so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
