I wish I could punch you in the face.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
