i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
