it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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