Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize