I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
