you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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