The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
