Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
