Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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