My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
