he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
