i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
