last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
