I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
