if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
