one two three fourrrrnication!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
