Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
