I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
