Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im holly from the hills drunk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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