Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
