Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
