if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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