A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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