Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
