She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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